Favorites?!?

A few days ago I learned that people at church felt that I had a "favorite" between my sons! This really blew my mind! I have always tried very hard to NOT have any favorites, what so ever! I grew up with comments as to why I couldn't be as good as my sister, Kathy. Kathy and I were in totally different areas of life. In school she took business classes and I did college prep classes. Kathy was artistic and I am not. Kathy sewed and I cooked and baked.

In kind, I have always tried not to compare the boys per se. Although, the boys have always tried to get me to say whom I considered to be my favorite.

Larry Jr. aka Pete was "my baby" when he was born because Spencer had been born 3 months early, lived just shy of two hours before he died, and I had been in a head on collision two days prior to delivering Pete. I "got to keep him" despite all of the crap we went through. He was my partner and friend for just shy of two years. Larry was always out to sea or in another country. Submarine life was not really condusive to having your life long partner in your life...just bits and pieces of time! After losing Bruce and Kelly, Larry working over twelve hours a day and not really being close to many people after our move up to northern California, Pete was still my "saving grace". We did everything together. He very seldom ever left my sight. I have always felt close to him. But...Pete always tried to be the "loner" who didn't need anyone. Once Pete got into school and started making friends he didn't really "need" me anymore. I was there for him when his tourettes would kick in and he needed help. I was the one he called on when he needed to calm down. When he took stupid dares (stealing a pack of gum from the store) and got caught, he came to me...not his dad and not his brothers. As he got older it was still to me he came when he finally decided that "family" just wasn't so bad! When Tosha, his wife started playing games shortly after they were married I tried to help him and be with him. He wanted so much to be strong and fight for what was right. When Tosha filed for divorce...he was once again leaning on me. I love him and I know he loves me. He loves his brothers and his dad. But, this life is now his daughter, Reilynn. Pete still does things for people on a fairly regular basis. For the most part though, he is back to being a loner...until the weekend he gets Reilynn!

Wade...turned into my "baby" after losing two more babies. There was twenty two months between Larry Jr. and Wade. Through my whole pregnancy with Wade I would dig out the medical books and show just how far along I was with Wade. Wade existed to Pete and I long before he existed "outside" in the real world. Wade was my cute and cuddley, hyper as hell, always moving full speed ahead, full of energy one second and then "dead to the world" the next with absolutely no warning. Wade was Pete's shadow to the point of driving Pete crazy! After Pete started making friends in school Wade and I became closer. Wade would help or work with any project I had going. If I was cooking Wade wanted to help. If I was working on puzzles Wade wanted to work on puzzles. For the most part we had the same type of a very close relationship I had had with Pete. Computers, games etc. didn't exist when my boys were young and so our time was spent learning through playing, doing puzzles, reading, cooking etc. Wade's tourettes were considerably stronger than either of his brothers. Realize that even as we were dealing with the tourettes we, as a family, did not know what we were dealing with. We knew that the psychological/emotional problems going on within the family was something passed on from father to his sons...Wade happened to be 1) the worst hit with the problem and 2) equal to his father in how the tourettes affected him. Think two atoms on a collision course with neither one giving or bending an inch for the other. For as much as Wade wanted to follow and copy Pete, Pete had decided he had his own life and didn't need Wade with him. Dad, the dear old man, just couldn't cope with the son who was so much like him so they were always, always at odds with each other. That left Wade and I...again. Wade is the son that can get me to my highest high and my lowest low. I have spent more time praying for Wade, to get him out of school and into being a responsible adult than I have for any of my other boys. As Wade got older he taught me patience...don't pray for patience...you will get someone like Wade. It took me years to learn how to accept, work with and how to love without condition. This was all learned and done because of my love for this particular son. After graduating school early, Wade got his first job. His time for the two of us was on his payday. I would take him to the bank to cash his check and he would take me on a date...usually out to eat! For as much as he can and will continue to be a pain/thorn in my side, he continues to show me the big stuffed teddy bear side of himself. Wade is one of the most charitable, caring and loving people I know...even in the midst of his own negativity. He not only has a hig IQ he is very talented!

Christopher aka Kit is my youngest. He was my "baby" because the other two boys were growing up way too fast. Growing up, Kit was the one with the soft heart. He had a very unique toddler-hood in that his two older brothers wanted him to grow up fast and never allowed him the pleasure of doing things in a natural order. Kit was never allowed to crawl. His brothers got on each side of him, holding him up from under his arms, and would run with him. Kit was the perennial "scab"...on his face, knees, elbows etc. Kit was my cuddler. He could never be close enough to me. Shortly after Kit was born we had another family living with us...they needed help so one family had one bedroom and our family had one bedroom. Pete and Wade slept on the floor and Kit was on the water bed with Larry and me. If I turned over onto my side Kit would follow leaving no space for anything. We spent his first three years being that close as much as possible. I never wanted to let him go. I was never going to be able to have another baby. He was my last. I stayed close to him in whatever way I could be...including scouting...something I wish I had done more with the other two boys. I memorized with Kit, earned badges with Kit, planned trips with Kit. Kit allowed me to do more with him in regards to homework than Pete and Wade had. Especially in English...in regards to writing...I would do whatever the assignment was. With Pete and Wade they didn't really care what I did if I did it. Kit would sit with me and we would do some of the assignments together. We had fun learning together. Even with Kit in college he still allows me to help him...and I still enjoy the opportunity to do it. Kit is probably the only one who still allows me in for that type of opportunity.

Each of my sons are a part of me. I cannot imagine not having one of them around. They always have been and always shall be a major part of my life. There is no "favorite one". There never has been! As I write this I realize that if anyone wants to try and read anything else into the relationships I have with my boys...it is definitely their hang up or problem. Should their judgemental comments cause any problems then they will have to be the ones to pay the consequences.

Larry Jr., Wade and Christopher are my sons; they are my life. They will always have my love...my heart...shared equally!

Why Me? Again!

I often get kidded about how my life is. No matter how hard I try to have a nice slow, calming life the worse I get screwed over with life in general.

My mother used to tell me that Trouble was my middle name. Trouble followed me around like my shadow. Whether I started the trouble/problem or not I was still in the middle of so many things...TROUBLE.

Tonight I thought I would get so much done...clean the den...the grandkids were to be picked up by their other grandmother after she got off work. She showed up later than I thought she would and then it was time for a gab fest along with Lana and I.

The kitchen needs to be worked on big time. At least two loads in the dishwasher should do it. But...in the middle of cleaning the kitchen and loading the dishwasher the phone rings and everything comes to a standstill...Lana's mom is on the phone... having a problem breathing...my son hands me the phone and says "here, you talk to her". Why thank you my dear!!! While I am on the home phone trying to get Lana's mom to calm down we get my cell phone and call 911...Lana has a problem keeping calm and in control when her family has a problem. Her first thought is to leave for her mom's house...driving my car while not totally with it! Makes me shiver just a bit!!! Anyway, as I am talking (really yelling at the top of my lungs) to Ann I run over to my neighbor who works with Ann at the hospital. My neighbor is an ER nurse. She might be able to get through where I am not. Damn! No one home! As I continue to yell at Ann she says she can hear the sirens coming. I tell her to get to her front door so they can see her. The EMT finally gets on the phone and tells me they will take care of her. I hang up and then call Lana and have her come back home.

We got a good portion of the kitchen squared away but nothing close to what really needed to be done. Again...the basics are about as good as I get. Too many things going on to get deep into anything...cleaning, reading, researching, crocheting etc.

Do I ask for this? NO! Do I wear a sign or have a tatoo stating that "Here I am... Get Me"!!! NO! Do I look for this type of attention? NO! People seem to think I crave this life style. Not really. But what I have learned throughout my whole life is that there is a reason why things go down the way they do. The Lord usually has a really good reason to put us through our trials. Some say that is how we grow. Some say it's karma. Me? It's easier to look at life and just ask the Lord "What is it you want me to learn...do...think". I don't know about anyone else but I am usually slow in learning any and all of my lessons...be they in life or at school or at work. Hence I will once again ask the Lord at times..."Why Me? Again!"

Skunks!

My travels back and forth from work go along Highway 201. You're looking at mostly farm land...wheat, corn, beans, onions. There are residents randomly along the route. Because of this, you also find many dead animals and birds. One year two horses were hit when they ran out onto the highway while it was still dark. You see numerous phesants, cats, dogs, chickens the whole ten miles to work. Every great once in a while you will find the "dead skunk in the middle of the road"! In reality though the skunks are usually on the side of the road!

Anyway...I take my grandson, Trenton, with me to work. The sun was in the process of peeking up over the horizon but there wasn't really enough light to see where the "what stinks" came from.

Trenton, sitting in the back of the car started complaining about the stinky smell that assailed us with no warning. I tried to explain that someone in the not too far past hit a skunk. Of course, the next question...what is a skunk and why does it smell? Well, a skunk is often called a polecat. They are black with a white stripe and they have the ability to give off this really smelly odor when they are scared or hurt! I would say that getting hit by a vehicle would have the tendancy of allowing the skunk to give off as much oh his "odor" as he wants! Next question...why does he have that ability? Because God made him that way! I thought that would be a fairly short but honest answer and thus end that particular conversation. NOT! The next comment took me totally off guard...why would God make an animal stink? What was God thinking? Couldn't He just do something else?

About a mile down the road the smell is still as strong as when we first came across it. Trenton pops up with a question of how long does it take for skunks to stop skinking. Considering there were no brake lights to be seen anywhere in front of us I really wasn't sure how to answer that question. The conversation ended with the observation that basically God wasn't fair. Smelly stuff shouldn't be allowed to last that long!

I agree!

Summer Break - Part One

Two summer breaks exist if you work for the school district...one is between the end of the school year and the beginning of summer school and the second is between the end of the July park feed program and the start of the new school year. The first break is towards the end of may to the beginning of June. The second is the first two to two and a half weeks of August.

This year our first break was longer than usual. One day shy of two full weeks of time to relax? I could only wish!!!

Actually, the first few days were filled with...let's see how much deep cleaning can be done so I can have time to relax and do something fun. The cleaning started on Friday night after the last day of school...it ended on Thursday night.

My 100 pages of reading per night (the first three books) changed to finishing off seven additional books late Monday night...750 pages read in three days to another 1,750 pages read in four days. I haven't had the opportunity to do that is ages! I found myself so totally relaxed on Thursday night that I decided to give my poor, old body a break from pain. Cleaning and working took second place to reading. IT WAS GREAT!!!

But of course, Monday night also was the reawakening of the fact that I only had three days to get the remainder of my projects completed as much as possible before haveing to go back to work. Reading is back to fitting it in as I can.

This is really sad considering the fact that the current book being read is one of those that you can't just "speed read" through. I thought it strange that the authors gave a list of characters at the beginning of the book. I can tell you that if that list wasn't there it would take considerably longer to get through it. At this point I am only averaging about 75 - 100 pages per day. I hate the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow! (lament, lament, lament!!! :)

By the way, the book is LEVERAGE POINT by Gerald N. Lund and Roger Hendrix. If you have ever seen the movie LORD OF WAR with Nicholas Cage...this story is the opposite side of the coin!!! And...just as breath-taking and just as suspenseful.

Fruit of the Vinyard

I was asked to sponsor a table at a church dinner. Sponsoring a table meant it was up to you to come up with a theme and decorate accordingly. We had been studying the allegory of the tame and wild olive trees in the vineyard. As I had chosen to use fruit for the decoration of my table I chose to write the following to go with the allegory of the vineyard.

Version #1

Even though we may not all look the same, act the same or live the same we are all of the fruit of our Father's vineyard.

Some of the fruit is tough and will not break easily. Their light shines throughout the world around them for as long as they are alive. At times some may change their ways and/or attitudes to continue to live as long as possible - until the end.

There are some fruits so beautiful to look at that you never want to stop looking at them. The beauty on many of these fruits is only skin deep. The inner meat can range from the best, most kind and loving of anything living to the worst of mankind. If we only look at the "packaging" on those around us and we don't try to find out what the inner person is like we are likely to be surprised by what we find.

Some fruit is so beautiful but must be handled very carefully. They are so fragile and can be easily broken. Once broken it is truly hard to put them back together - no matter how much love is given they may not be able to be truly "put back together".

There is yet another type of fruit. It is so beautiful. It looks perfect. But looks can be deceiving. Not until the fruit is actually picked up, looked at and has even tried to be eaten will we find that it is truly artificial. They may look so close to being the real thing but...they are so far away from the real fruit of the vineyard.

Last, but definitely not the least, is the real thing. The true fruit of the vineyard. It may sometimes be hard to find because of bruising from the bumps, pits and valleys of life; withered, puckering, thin, soft skin due to the aging process or just plain living life always in the fast lane; brown spots or age spots, discoloration, odors...the aging process all too natural, no reversing the project at this point in time but the fruit is still true and good.

Our earth is the basket. We, the people inhabiting the earth, are the various pieces of fruit. To make the centerpiece beautiful all of the different types of fruit must be used. The same is true with this world. The Lord has taken all of us, different in so many ways' but, hopefully working for the same goal, and has placed us together to work with and help each other become the beautiful centerpiece of His work.

Version #2

Some fruit is tough and will not break easily. It has a glow that shines around it. It may at times be placed into a holder to extend it's light for as long as possible.

Some fruit is so beautiful you never want to stop looking at it. But, the beauty is only skin deep. The inner porton can range from the best to the worst. Choosing fruit by outer beauty only will likely leave you very surprised if not disappointed.

Other fruit must be handled very carefully. It is fragile and can be easily broken. Once broken, no matter how hard you try, it may never truly be "pieced back together".

Another type of fruit looks perfect. But looks can be deceiving. Not until the fruit is actually picked up, looked at and been eaten will we find that it is truly artificial. It may look so close to being the real thing but it is not the true fruit of the vineyard.

Last, but definitely not least, is the real fruit. The true fruit of the vineyard. It may be hard to find because of bruising; withered; puckering, thin, soft skin; brown spots...all natural parts of the aging process. But, the fruit is still true and good to eat.

Earth is the basket our loving Father has given us, the varied fruits, to dwell within. For the centerpiece to be beautiful all the different fruits must exist together.

We are the house of Israel, the fruit of the Lord's vineyard. Together we make His centerpiece beautiful.

The Godhead

I decided to experiment one day. I had been studying the scriptures and wondered if I could compose a poem regarding the godhead. Without a lot of information to work with the Holy Ghost was probably the hardest part to develop.

Halo of light - brighter than the sun
Emanating from every direction
An affirmation of the
Very love He has for us
Even though we may feel a
Number of times that His
Love is not always deserved
Yet still we reach for it

Father of all our spirits
Absolute in all He created
Tacit love shown in all
His creations - big and small
Each estate we have to choose
Readily available through His love


Just - in all His
Evaluations of life - His
Sage wisdom from living a mortal life help
Us to understand and reach out for the
Salvation He has to offer us

Crown of Glory - His - the price
He paid for us to know of His
Righteous countenance
Imploring us to learn of His
Salvation for us and
Teaching us to live by His example


Hallowed spirit
Ours to lean on and
Learn from
Yearning to have him as our comforter

Giving to us freely
His comfort and love
Once we recognize His
Spirit to be one of a part of
Three - all working together for us

The Curch of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints

The sacrament meeting on the first sunday of every month is a fast and testimony meeting...members share their testimonies with the congregation. This is to be done in the spirit of showing and telling our Heavenly Father how much we love Him, the gospel, etc. I truly dislike getting up in front of the congregation to speak but wanted to share my thoughts and feelings. So... how else to do this but to spend the hour writing about how I feel. The challenge of writing this was 1) trying to find something to write on large enough to fit the whole name of the church and 2) trying to get it written in less than an hour without a thesaurus! The following poem is my testimony...

The one and only true church
Here upon the earth with all of the
Eternal blessings promised through the gospel of
Christ, our Savior and Redeemer.
Helping others to prepare to hear the truth, we
Urge those capable to be teachers of the Word.
Return missionaries, Stake, Ward and members alike
Carry the word of God to all who have a
Humble heart or need to hear
Of the true love of our Heavenly
Father and of His only begotten Son,
Jesus Christ and of the Holy Ghost.
Eternal families a promise to look forward to as
Sealings in the temple are done for the living and dead
Uniting children to parents for time and eternity and
Sealing or marrying couples together forever.
Covenants made to those on the other side as well as
Here on the earth still striving to be able to
Return to the presence of our Heavelnly Father.
Instruction received and given through living prophets and
Servants of our Lord and Savior.
Thirteen Articles of Faith given for us to use when
Opportunities arise for us to testify of the
Fullness of the Gospel and the mission of the church.
Latter day revelation still given and received to
All those who sincerely seek it for
Themselves and their families and for
The stewardships in which they are over.
Eventually reaching the goal for all to hear of the
Restoration of the Fullness of the Gospel.
Desires of the heart to be filled as promised
As we do all that we can do, both
Youth and older members alike
Serving those around us near and far
Across the street, city, state or other side of the veil
Invoking in us faith, hope and charity - the true love of Christ
Now and forever we renew our efforts to sincerely
Teach and reach those around us and
Share the mission of the church to perfect the saints, proclaim the gospel & redeem the dead.